Will They Won’t They Make Up Their Damned Minds?

Forgive me a we feminist rant here. I’ve already mentioned a strong aversion to doing things the same way everyone else does. Simultaneously, I also have a lot of issues with how we tell love stories in our patriarchal society. Be it gender roles, outdated romantic gestures, or toxic behavior, a lot of modern romance tends to give me the ick for what it normalizes or excuses.

You see, back in the day, women weren’t considered people (arguably, we’re still not), and were fodder to be sold from father to husband. Ergo, the love stories of yore were largely about gaslighting women into finding the right man (or learning to accept the monster she was sold to), who would then solve all of her problems in exchange for her being beautiful and giving him babies. A horrifying number of modern rom-coms involve a grossly unlikable MMC who gets the FMC to fall in love with him for no justifiable reason (I’m looking at you, Zoolander, Anchorman, etc.—all very funny movies that I enjoy, but not realistic depictions of romance).

Don’t get me wrong, if that’s what you’re into, I’m not here to judge. If you want to watch Twilight for brain donuts, I’ll probably join you if you don’t mind me laughing the whole time. But I find it important to show off realistic portrayals of healthy relationships, as opposed to continuing the normalization of the oppression/diminishing of women in media, particularly in love stories.

I’m just saying that there could be some love stories for those of us who’ve gotten disillusioned with patriarchal portrayals of oppressive romance. I’ve likewise never been comfortable with the idea that a romance only counts when a couple either get together or get married. Why is it that the hard parts don’t often get explored? Those are the parts we need shown, so we can learn.

If you take the sitcom How I Met Your Mother as an example, I was always far more invested in the continuing adventures of Lily & Marshall, because I didn’t care about the will-they won’t-they of Ted and Robin. I wanted to see how the established couple handled life’s turmoil. I wasn’t interested in how a couple met so much as how their love solidified and evolved over time. I was tempted too often with happily ever afters in my youth, but never saw the work that went in to build a relationship and stay together… arguably, the far more important aspects. I hate perpetuating the idea that all you need is to get married for everything to be okay. Hell no! Relationships take work, and that’s what I’m here to explore.

By the way, don’t take that to mean there will never be a will-they won’t-they in The Vitmar Chronicles. There are a couple later on in the series, towards the end. It just won’t be at the forefront of what’s going on when it happens. Sometimes, pride and prejudice get in the way (yes I did that on purpose).

I digress. Most stories don’t have the time to explore relationships long-term, or they focus most of their time on the build-up to the relationship. I hoped to keep going after that, with a dream where people will be able to fall in love alongside my main characters early on, and then follow their relationships—both romantic and platonic—to see strong examples of healthy masculinity, open and honest communication, accountability, and other desirable ways of caring for one another.

That, to me, is romantic.