The Road to Altamullan Road (pt.II)
A Guest Blog from Kathy Criswell!
Dreams are dangerous!
So to start this story properly, you’re going to need a little bit of context. I am 35 and I have flown all of twice. Once to California and once to Florida, back around 2013-2014. When I was younger I grew up pretty poor, so our adventures were local but filled with love and imagination. But, the concept of the outside world was kind of puzzling to me. I knew these places existed, but I never realized that I could just go there.
I had accepted in my life that travel was something that I would experience through other’s photographs and stories. I didn’t have the same wanderlust or income that others had. But that was okay with me! Also to note, post-lockdown, I’m a different person. I’m too afraid to do things alone. Imaging Toffle from the Moomins—someone afraid of everything and too overwhelmed by how quickly life works to even try engaging. That’s why I take to social media so well—I can control the pace and I can take my time getting acclimated somewhere.
But, here I was now with tickets to a show in Kitee—which was going to be the first Altamullan Road show ever—and Hyvinkää a week later. Suddenly, a week-long holiday began to form in my mind. But, I didn’t think I would be able to afford to take the time off of work until I realized that vacation time was actually for paid vacations! I usually used it to just take mental health days once in a while. But, I actually had enough to take 10 days off (which also tells you how often I don’t take time off)!
To make my life easier, I decided to fly into Helsinki on the 19th of January, the day before the show. I wanted so badly to be at that first show in Kitee, that I would have rented a car and tried my best to drive there if I had to.
I made my arrangements to stay the 19th-22nd in Kitee and then in Tampere, followed up with a few days in Helsinki. It felt surreal to plan a holiday. And then it hit me.
I would be going alone. Me, who gets choked up calling for a pizza, was going to travel across the globe by myself. And the funny part?
I wasn’t scared.
At all.
Because I knew that if I stayed calm and did my research, the end of my hard work would be me seeing Altamullan Road. And that made everything else seem less scary.
October was filled with some cute things. I started planning outfits for the shows. I started an adventure journal, which I had planned to read a snippet of for Instagram, but I keep getting too choked up and I can’t finish more than ten or so seconds without my voice cracking so… that’s a thing.
Here’s an example though.
October 12th, 2023,
Anytime I get a notification from anyone abroad, it’s always at 3 a.m. and I feel bad that it takes me so long to answer. I wake up at 3:30 a.m. for work, which is midday for most of my friends. But, today I woke up to an Altamullan Road tour announcement. I’m so happy for them, it's been so long for them. Johanna Iivanainen has done some tours but I don’t think Johanna Kurkela has really done any performances since the Gemini tour in 2018. That’s so long and quite an eventful bit of time. I wonder if that first show will be extra special because it’s been so long. Maybe I’ll ask her if I get brave enough. At this point, it’s hard for me to even make eye contact with people. I feel like I turned into a recluse and now I forgot how to socialize.
I hope they like me. Well, if I get to meet them. I’ll be happy just seeing them from the front row. Maybe I could wave. Is that stupid? I’m not sure where I stand here. I’ve never really met anyone I was a fan of. But, I don't idolize anyone, and they’re humans like me. Very busy humans. And I’m just…me.
I’m not scared of flying, I’m scared of making a bad impression. I don’t think I could handle that in my heart. Their opinions matter to me. Oh well, I have three months to worry about that. I just bought tickets to two shows and I don’t know of anyone else going to the second show. Oh well, maybe I’ll make some friends along the way.
From there I made a group chat with three of my friends who planned on going. We called ourselves the Altamullan Toads and then created an Instagram to document our adventures coming together and meeting all because of a band. We’re all fans of what I have dubbed the “Johanna trilogy” of music, along with related projects like Nightwish and such.
My group of friends (I will hereafter call them “the toads” for simplicity’s sake) and I hashed out a vague plan of when we could go. I would meet Nika and Joanna at the airport and we would take trains to get to Kitee. From there, I would spend a few days in Finland to see Caroline and then leave. Caroline is a student in Tampere, so it just made sense for her to go to a more local show when the time came.
I told my friend Bear that I was coming to Finland and she asked me to podcast with her! I was flattered—I don’t think I have much in the name of credentials—I’m just a fangirl who loves learning and has an interest in a very select few dear subjects, but I agreed because it sounded fun! [ed: I lovingly disagree, Kathy is a wonderful artist and my podcast guests are all artists—no mere fangirl!]
Sometime in November, Altamullan Road seemingly noticed the toads and began to interact with us. I mean, we weren’t like… hiding or anything, but we didn’t have much to post about. I had started making little gift bags for my friends and the Johannas, hoping that I could pass them off to someone to give to them. It began to feel real, that I was going to be embarking on quite a journey. I’ve always approached life with a “go big” attitude. My first tattoo was 6 hours long and spanned the entirety of my left leg. My first date ended up being with the person I married, and my first fan experience was going to end up being a journey to Finland. I apparently don’t know how to ease into anything.
December brought some fun things! Altamullan Road followed the Altamullan Toads! They also uploaded a video of them singing “When It’s Time” with Mikko Iivanainen and Timo Kurkela as well. At first I was startled to see a third person singing, but I felt in my bones that it would be an amazing addition. If you read the article I wrote about the debut album this past summer, you might remember that I was desperate to feel like I was in on this musical sisterhood in a very casual setting, and that video did just that. Also, I’m a little biased because “When It’s Time” inspired a short story from me—which became my first story ever published. The excitement became almost unbearable—I was temporarily (affectionately) banned from talking about my trip to everyone around me.
Unfortunately, right before Christmas, we found out that our dear Joanna could no longer go. We were heartbroken, she is such a beacon of love and light and she loves everyone involved with Altamullan Road and related projects. So, to ease the hurt a little bit, I shipped her off an envelope of goodies that I would have given her when we met, plus a few extras just because I knew she was so upset about it. I took many trips to the craft store and started a memory box to keep my trinkets in. I knew my journey would be overwhelming so I wrote down important dates in my journal, organized my days, and realized that I had so many people that I needed to meet in Finland that I was going to be so very busy!
You see, I’ve been building a friend base in Finland since I found the Nightwish message boards in 2007, maybe even before. But, I never realized how many friends I still kept in contact with until I told them I was visiting! I didn’t even get to meet all of them this go around, which means that I really need to come back very soon!
The first week of January was chaos in Iowa. We got a huge blizzard in my area that was dreadfully cold (it was warmer in Finland!) and gave us so much snow that my car got so stuck that I was trapped indoors for days.
However, much like most of this trip, a miracle happened. Well, a miracle mixed with my powerlifting skills. The day before I was supposed to drive to the airport, I lifted my entire car out of an icy snow ditch and moved it enough to finally get it unstuck after three days! If that’s not an Altamullan miracle, then I don’t know what is. I celebrated by flopping down in the snow and flipping the bird to the camera…which is apparently a thing that I do more often than I realize, hah!
Driving to Chicago is never fun, especially in the dreary morning. People suddenly forget how to drive and the roads are long and boring. I drove a bit of the way but was so exhausted from not sleeping, that I was demoted to passenger princess and driven by my lovely wife, who kept crying that I was leaving! Bear also messaged me saying that she could drive us to Kitee instead of fighting with night trains because my flights had been rebooked + delayed + rescheduled enough to fry my nervous system and I was determined to not stress about anything on the trip.
My flights went surprisingly well and I had no issues with customs or navigating the airports. I really kept telling myself to be aware of my surroundings. I expected to panic a lot but I didn’t, because I also kept reminding myself that I was going to be seeing some of my favorite people on this Earth and I was incredibly lucky to do so. A person did say hello at the airport in Amsterdam because they recognized me and my Delain shirt from the Delain Facebook group, which was hilarious!
When I arrived in Helsinki, I immediately got distracted by the Moomin store and nearly forgot that I was supposed to be meeting two of my friends. Nika ran up to me with a huge “Altamullan Toads” sign, which meant so much to me—I’ve never had anyone meet me at the airport and I was really touched that she would make that. The sign is now with Caroline, so I hope she can snag a photo of the Johannas with it when they perform in Tampere.
I don’t remember much of the ride to Kitee, given that I had been up for about 34 hours at that point. I do remember waking up in the back seat to sing the chorus of “Pearl Diving” by Auri, but that’s about it. When we got to the hotel, it was later than I had anticipated and I could barely think. We got our rooms situated (shoutout to Bear for being my translator because I was too tired to even speak at that point) and I ended up collapsing in the bed, taking a 2 hour power nap, and then moseying a room over to see that I had friends in the other room that I didn’t even know were coming! Some of them I knew vaguely and some were strangers that became good friends. I was happy to share this experience with them.
When I woke up the next morning, a group of us went on an adventure throughout Kitee. We had a blast! I ran around in the snow like a child and sang songs with my friends as I forgot every care in the world. Then we came back to eat some pizza and met the infamous Plamen Dimov. I forgot his name once and called him “Grandpa Nightwish,” which seems to have stuck! He was very interested in the fact that I flew from the United States for this very first show! What a charming man. He even helped me get out of Kitee when the shows were over and passed along some heartfelt gratitude from some special people in Kitee.
Sanna, Nika, Plamen, Bear, Kathy, Anita, Anita
After some more adventures that had us all breathless and smiling so big our cheeks hurt, we ended up packing our things up and heading back to the hotel to shower and get ready. Everyone kept giving me shy little smiles and winking at me, knowing that I was going to have the time of my life. We had been guessing the setlist and I was just so excited to see Altamullan Road that I wasn’t scared at all! I will say, I felt like I had a little too much attention on me, for someone who was just going to see a concert. But, perhaps, I should just let people be excited by my journey and not be so shy all of the time.
The show itself was beautiful. So beautiful. The lighting was gorgeous (I’ll talk about that more when I do an official write up of Helsinki!) and I didn’t realize that I would be just-off-center to the show, which gave me an amazing view from the front row.
Tuomas Holopainen walked past us and my friend said hello. I was too excited to really notice until a few moments later, when I cracked up at how hilarious that was. I mean, it made sense for him to be there. I just kept snickering over it, though.
Bear did a write-up of my time at the show and a review of it, so you can read that here. I will say that I immediately got the most precious little wave from Johanna Kurkela and a very warm smile from Johanna Iivanainen. The first part of the show was familiar music from their album and I had to actively make myself not sing along. One of the best surprises was Timo joining in with vocals! It added something uniquely wonderful to the sound. Their choice of covers was really interesting and I already had the itch to go listen and learn about them. I love knowing why certain songs were chosen and I was really enjoying myself. I had already mentally tried to plan a playlist I could make so I could know the words to some of them for next time.
During the intermission, I was furiously trying to write down the songs they played! Everyone checked in on me to see if i was okay, which I definitely was. I wasn’t offended though, I am known for being a bit of a crybaby when it comes to Altamullan Road. I posted an Instagram story about how I was proud of myself for keeping myself together.
Boy, was that premature.
When the second half started, I was in a state of bliss—my favorite were humans on stage and all around me, and I felt as if I was living the best moment of my life. My smile was huge and could not be contained.
Then I heard the opening notes to “Ainiaan” and felt the tears start to come.
I wrote Johanna Kurkela a letter earlier in the year that said that if I ever heard “Ainiaan” live, I would sing along and know all the words because something silly like a foreign language wouldn’t stop me from trying my best to support someone while they forged their creative identity.
By the time I got myself composed again (I’m serious, I was trying my best to be inconspicuous!) a few more fun and lighthearted songs had passed.
I heard a curious introduction and the beginning of “They Should’ve Sent a Poet” began. Now, everyone on this planet probably knows my love for this song, so, I’ll spare you the tear-stained details, but just know that there is a small nook in my heart where this song belongs. Immediately when the song began, sweet Nika next to me started patting my head and rubbing my arm, which was one of the most wholesome things ever. I was very quiet and respectful in my little meltdown, but I think people found it endearing and less obtrusive. I was just so moved that I had been able to organize a trip where I could see one of my favorite songs that was so precious to me, live. All of my happiness and pride hit me at once when I realized that I was truly the happiest I had ever been. Then came a standing ovation, which I gladly stood for!
When they came out for an encore, “Underwater” played, and I took a deep breath thinking that was the final song. I began to look around to see if anyone was going to get up.
But then the opening words to “What Was I Made For?” began to play. I gasped so loudly and had to cover my mouth because I was so taken aback that a big, ugly sob began in my chest. I had never posted publicly that I desperately wanted to hear that song. I had some pretty aggressive life realizations and worked on myself to that song, so it really became a song that I listened to on repeat for hours on end when I heard it. I think perhaps you had to witness my reaction firsthand to see just how surprised and immediately shaken I was. I don’t quite think I have the vocabulary to describe it. [ed: I do! It was amazing, it was like a big gasping inhale, like she was going to throw up or scream, but instead just buckled down into her knees] My friends put their hands on my arms while I genuinely began to get so emotionally overwhelmed that I could barely breathe.
To hear people that I adored, with voices like literal angels, sing this song that had changed my life in such a heart-stoppingly profound way, left me extremely vulnerable and mentally blissed out. I don’t know if I’m being dramatic, but the last few lines that were half-sung and half-spoken by Johanna Kurkela seemed to be heavily laced with emotion and made me want to jump up and give her a big ol’ teary Kathy hug. If anyone has any photographic or video evidence of my five stages of grief to that song, I would love to see it, ha. I’ll bet that I look ridiculous.
After the show I was incredibly lucky to say hello to Johanna Kurkela and have a nice conversation with her. It genuinely felt like talking to a friend, which is what everyone had already told me. I won’t dive into the details of our conversation because I was talking so quickly I sounded like a hampster and probably didn’t make much sense. However, I was able to finally tell her the story that I had been adding to since I had begun to research her almost exactly a year prior. On my walk back to hotel, I called my wife and half-talked/half-sobbed into the phone that they had played every song on my secret wishlist and that I was so floored by that. I didn’t even think of the fact that I was early afternoon and she was working. I didn’t care, I was just so unbelievably happy, that nothing could bring me down.
Back row: Sanna, Bear, Johanna, Kathy, Anita; Front row: Nika, Anita
Then I saw the photos of the pictures people took of me chatting with Johanna and I thought they were so cute! Just two nerds being nice to each other and being excited about life. We all need friends like that—people who replenish your emotional bank instead of taking from it.
In short, that first show was life-changing in a billion of ways and I only have time here to explain a few.
The next day in Kitee was bittersweet. I said goodbye to all of my friends and sat alone in my hotel room. I needed food, but no longer had my emotional support friends with me, so anxiety began to take over. I ended up going to a gas station for some snacks and then had a sleepless night, being scared to take a taxi. I have never really used public transit, so that seemed overwhelming too. But with the patience and some broken Finnish from me, I was able to ask the nice hotel lady to call me a taxi and then I waited at the train station in Kitee for about an hour.
And in that hour, I felt my anxiety change into excitement. I had such a journey ahead—two days in Tampere and four in Helsinki. Plus, I was keeping a secret from everyone, I was going to be allowed to sit in on an interview before the Hyvinkää show! I didn’t want to get my hopes up, I know a lot of fans can get a little overwhelming, but I assured everyone that while I was an emotional trainwreck, I’m also an adult who values respect and privacy more than anything else.
Arriving in Tampere was fun… kind of. It was just above freezing, which meant that my 1km walk to my apartment hotel thing was filled with slush and sleet directly into my eyeballs. I had also been traveling for ages and wanted nothing more than to eat and drink an entire liter of water.
I met up quickly with Caroline and had the best dumplings of my life. We hung out for a few hours, just chatting about life and the Kitee show. I spoiled the setlist for her (with permission!) and made plans for the next day.
The next day was perfect! I went to the store across the street and bought myself some breakfast and started my walk to the Moomin Museum to meet Caroline. It was refreshing to just have my airpods and Apple maps to navigate me. I didn’t want to seem like a tourist, I wanted to blend in. Which is exactly what I did. The streets were super icy but I never fell and I made it to the museum on time! We explored a lot and we had so much fun there.
Then we decided to just go exploring. I found an Altamullan Road CD at a music store and the “Auri II” deluxe vinyl, but I didn’t have room in my luggage. I spent a ton of time in a bookstore and we ended up at the Tampere market hall, where we tried all kinds of good foods and looked at cool things for sale. The last few stops of our journey were at a secondhand store, where I found a double Johanna CD for literally ONE EURO, so, of course, I got it. The poor woman at the counter was perplexed that I wanted it, but spoke English. Listen, “Marmoritaivas” has some bangers and I really am unfamiliar with “Kauriinsilmät,” but that’s just more things to learn about!
I was supposed to meet more friends, but looking at the weather, I decided to pack my stuff up and head to Helsinki, where I would spend the rest of my trip.
Getting to Helsinki was really quite fun. I have come to adore public transit and while I know people in Finland are probably ambivalent about it, I come from the US where everyone has too-big cars and public transit isn’t really a thing. So, it took a lot of stress away from me and I remembered how to navigate myself and find my tracks and all those things most people take for granted.
I got to Helsinki and fell in love with the train station. As someone who is pretty recognizable, feeling like I am surrounded by people who don’t care who I am was wonderful. The trek to my AirBnB was uphill in the snow with about 35kg of luggage and a dehydrated Kathy.
But once I collapsed into that big bed and eventually showered, I told myself I was going to do big girl things.
I was going to go grocery shopping.
This doesn’t sound like much, but I am inherently privileged as a native English speaker. I can be understood almost everywhere and as much as I wish I could be fluent in other languages, I don’t quite have the grasp on any of them enough to say anything other than that I am learning.
But, I was determined to meet everyone halfway. I feel that, if I’m in a country where Finnish is the primary language, I should try my darndest to read and speak what I can.
So I did. It was minimal, but my bag was full and I was excited to cook for myself. I felt like the main character in a Netflix show, just popping into the market and buying dinner (and a LOT of chocolate, hah), but I needed that. I needed the independence. I have been with my wife since I was 20 years old and before that I was living to survive how I could, so I have never truly been alone.
And then I worked the oven and the washing machine. A feeling of “I can do this” washed over me. I realized that I could do so many things, I just had never had the opportunity to do so.
When I woke up after one of the best sleeps of my life, I managed to navigate myself to the airport, where Bear snagged me as we prepared for a busy day of podcasting and interviewing. I wasn’t nervous at all—I had already met Johanna Kurkela and Johanna Iivanainen seemed like a gentle soul, so there wasn’t much to be nervous about.
I met the videographer and photographer who would be at the Hyvinkää show and we got along right away!
Meeting the Johannas was fun! They’re so incredibly kind and patient. I had originally wanted to surprise them by showing up with Bear, but I know some people don’t like surprises so I nixed that idea. Bear and I had collaborated on the questions, which was quite nice because I am ridiculously curious about everything. My only shy request was that I get to ask one question specifically, which I got to do. Oh, I also got to show a little bit of my art up close and had a nice time all around. Once again, those two are so sweet and warm that I felt as if I had been wrapped up in a hug and released back into the world a different person.
Later at the show, I had the time of my life, truly. I knew what was going to happen so I didn’t cry my eyes out, but I sure got emotional at hearing “What Was I Made For?” I took a few videos and noticed a few things that I’ll write about in the Helsinki write-up, but all-in-all, it was so fun. I also got to meet two new friends I knew from a Nightwish Discord server and subsequently had some of the best tacos of my life. I ended up back at my Airbnb about 1:30 a.m., grinning like a fool.
The next day was a rest day for me to explore Helsinki. I wandered around my neighborhood playing “Harmaahaikara” by my friend Helena Haaparanta for a lot of it, because the somber theme of accepting loneliness was applicable. I was lonely, but in a good way—a way I needed to be.
The third day in Helsinki was spent wandering around with Bear and Helena as we went to the Old Market Hall, saw a bunch of sights, and visited the cozy Fazer cafe. I think the winner of the day was this amazing Syrian food I got at Levant, just down from my apartment.
My last day in Helsinki was bittersweet. I met up with a friend to see the last of three Altamullan Road shows and explored more of Helsinki. I dropped my luggage off at the train station to sit tight and made my way over to Savoy Theater! I decided to sit in the back because I planned on taking some videos and photos for my records, so I could remember what to talk about and to do that up in the front seemed rude. Plus, I was lucky enough to be in the front for two shows, so it was only fair to let other people experience that goodness.
Someone had messaged me that the members of Auri would be in the crowd and to keep my eyes peeled, but I knew they weren’t there for that, so I was content with shooting them a smile and making my way to the stage to politely ask Timo for a setlist! I knew that I would love it as a memento and also because I had so much to remember to get home that I knew I would forget everything I wanted to talk about immediately. My notes app screenshot is hysterical and a wonderful example of why I can never be a music journalist! [ed: she’s been too sweet again, I think she’s a sublime music journalist!]
I got a very kind message from the band as I boarded the train to leave for the airport that meant more to me than I let on. I made a reel from my live photos that documented my time in Finland, and every time that I watch it, I tear up. Finland really taught me a lot of things, but the most important ones were that I can be alone, but with the amount of kindred spirits and friends I have amassed, I don’t think that I truly ever will be.
Altamullan Road, Hyvinkääsali; January 26th, 2024
